I’ve thought a lot about how exactly I have felt being pregnant during the SARS-COVID19 Pandemic of 2020. So many thoughts have been circulating in my head…fear, uncertainty, anxiety… I wanted to take the time to articulate my feelings because I think right now we need it. We need someone telling us how to navigate through this difficult time. A time that’s supposed to be one of the happiest times in our life has been turned upside down.
Pregnancy is supposed to be an exciting time to come to terms with the arrival of your new addition and the changes happening in your life.
For many, you are finally pregnant after weeks, months, years of trying to grow your family. Whether it’s your first baby or your third, you have wanted this for so long and you finally get to experience the pregnancy of this baby that you have longed for, cried for, prayed for, and begged for. You’re excited! You’re going to your first appointments, talking with your doctor or midwife about all your hopes for this pregnancy. Your partner is taking off work so they can accompany you and share in the excitement. But that all comes to a halt. Now you’re unsure if you want to go out and expose yourself to attend appointments. You have come so far and yet the fear of this unknown virus is stealing your joy. You’re wearing a mask when you leave the house, hoping it helps but anxious because it’s much harder to breathe with your face covered. You’re asked to video chat your doctor instead of attending appointments, and when you do go in, you have to go alone. Talking with the doctor, receiving updates, ultrasound scans, tests…they’re all things your partner is deprived of while you tackle all of these alone.
For others, (like myself) this may be an unexpected pregnancy. Whether it’s your first baby or a surprise baby #4, it’s taken you time to come to terms with the changes happening in your life and to your body. You’ve gotten over the initial shock and finally started to get excited about what your future holds. And that all comes to a stop at the shut down of the world due to COVID19. You’re thinking, “I knew it, I knew this was going to be bad timing.” You’re feeling guilty that you got pregnant in the first place, just to be carrying a child at a time where you have to be so careful every minute of every day to not put yourself or your baby at risk. The excitement that you were just starting to develop has vanished and been replaced with fear and doubt.
Or maybe, you’re just sad, upset and angry. You’re canceling your baby showers, not able to share your exciting journey with friends over coffee, or get the support you need during this extremely life changing time you’re going through. A baby moon is now impossible. You can’t go shop for all the perfect little pieces to curate that nursery that you’ve been planning in your head and on Pinterest for months. The possibility of not having visitors post delivery, or not being able to have your mom, sister, photographer, doula or additional support persons weighs heavy on you. Your other children have to wait until you’re home or possibly longer to meet their new siblings.
No matter where you are or where your head is at right now, pregnancy during a pandemic is hard. It’s not something that most people have ever had to deal with. It’s hard on you mentally and emotionally and sometimes physically. And you know what, that’s okay. Everyone around you is also dealing with the results of the pandemic. But your feelings are valid. It’s okay to be upset, disappointed or concerned at the state of the world right now. Many people will tell you “It could be worse, atleast you’re not dying, dealing with the virus, or without a job.” But the truth is, this is difficult for everyone in different ways. Some people are without a job. Some are sick. Some are separated from their family. Some are homeschooling their children and feeling like they’re failing miserably. And some are pregnant and devastated at the state of the world and how it’s impacting their ability to enjoy pregnancy and experience the right of passage that comes with having and planning for a baby.
At the end of the day, just know that I see you. I see your pain, frustration, fear, anxiety, sadness and uncertainty. I feel it too. I see it and I know how much is sucks. This time is a season, a difficult one. And we will get through this.
To follow along with my pregnancy find me on Instagram HERE.